RIP

I'm going to share something with the world that few people know about me........in fact the only people who I believe actually know about this are my father and best friend. I have a serious problem with grieving. I dont grieve well at all!

I'm the type of person that you see at a funeral and you wonder "Well damn what's wrong with her? Is she going to cry? She's holding up really well" I remember my grandmother dying and my father encouraging me to let it go, to let it out, to cry! I couldn't. I sat for days, even attended the funeral, truly NOT believing that she was gone and boy once I realized it, my life was forever changed. NO ONE knows that...not my sisters, brothers, cousins, aunts, uncles, NO ONE!

I DO grieve, I just do not grieve well. Years have passed since my grandma has passed away and yet I'm still grieving. I cant bear to look at pictures of her. Looking at them instantly causes my eyes to water. I cant bear to even think of her or mention her name because doing so instantly causes my eyes to water. Even as I type this blog entry, I find myself having to wipe tears from my eyes. I dont want to think about the fact that she, a woman that I love so much, is no longer here...even if I know she's not.

This is not the direction that I set out to take when I sat down to write this entry but every burden needs to be released from a heart, every tear duct needs to be emptied, every soul needs peace so its gonna be what its gonna be.

The reason why I wrote this piece was to announce that I just signed up to walk in an epilepsy walk. I'm very excited but moreso I'm proud! I lost a relative last year and he himself suffered with seizures. I would like to think that by doing this I am remembering him. I grieve for him too and believe it or not his death was very hard on me. Its hard to lose a loved one....whether you're close to them or not. Its even harder to lose someone who is younger than you are. It totally puts your life into perspective.

So I look forward to the epilepsy walk........I hope that it not only strengthens me physically but mentally and spiritually as well.

1Love
KL

9 lbs!

When I started this process 30 days ago I had hit my biggest....I weighed in at 200 lbs. My entire life I've said that as long as I was one-something I was fine but that I'd nearly faint if I ever reached 2. Well I reached it. I was shocked. Where the hell did all of this weight come from? But I am proud to say that I now weigh 191 lbs! I'm down 9 lbs!!!




Now I know some people *cough*HATERS*cough* lol are going to say that's it? But I wanna share a lesson on pounds that I've learned while on this challenge. 1 pound of body fat is equivalent to 4 sticks of butter. Think about that and go and vomit LOL I surely did! So the fact that I've lost 9 lbs which is equivalent to 36, count em 36 sticks of butter. 36 sticks of butter OFF of my body! I am so happy

I think that I appreciate these 9 lbs because I know that I've worked soooooooo hard to achieve it. I didnt take any pills! I didnt have surgery! I'm not knocking anyone who has done those things but I did this the old fashioned way....with hard work! And say what you wanna say but I'm proud of me! I still had cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory and etc and STILL lost 9 lbs! I have 30 days left and guess what..........I'm looking forward to losing 9 more! Woop Woop!

Thanks for all of your support

1Love
KL

1/2 way mark! Day 30!!

So today is day 30 and I am so happy. Do you know what that means? That means I've reached my 1/2 way mark!!!!!!!!!!!!! Who would've ever thought I would've made it 30 days? Not I and certainly not some of the other people that I know but I MADE IT!!!!!!!!!!! To my huge support system that I have I say thank you. I truly *sings* NEVER WOULD'VE MADE IT WITHOUT YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL!

I had a huge blog entry that I was going to type up but somehow someway my blackberry erased every single picture, video, etc that I had stored on it *weeps* The really bad thing is that I had just taken pictures to show how I have progressed and of course they are alllllllll gone! :0( Anyhoo life goes on....no use crying over spilled milk right? So here's my video! Thanks for the support

1Love

KL

Another Fit Test--3

So today makes 28 days since I began my journey! Dont ask me why I'm so excited about day 28 but I AM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Today was my third fit test. I was excited because I wanted to know if I was going to improve any but scared at the same time because I knew that I had done a major workout yesterday and was unsure how my body would react. Anyhoo here are my results:

Switchkicks:
3rd fit test-82 2nd fit test-70 1st fit test-52

WOW!!!! 82 switchkicks! I was so shocked when I wrote that number down. I had no idea how many I had done on the first or second but I knew it was no where near 82. While doing the switchkicks I played TI and I did them for the entire time. Amazing! Can we say major improvements????!!!!??? lol

PowerJacks:
3rd Fit test-27 2nd fit test-30 1st fit test-20

I was so disappointed when I saw this. I knew while doing it that I would not be beating my score from the 2nd fit test. I wanna blame it on my switchkicks and using my energy to do those but hey NO EXCUSES! *pouts* I can only say that I am to do better....do more the next time.

PowerKnees:
3rd fit test-50 2nd fit test-45 1st fit test-30

So I sucked at the power jacks BUT I came back strong with the power knees! Yippee! Look at my results from the first test to the third test......20 more power knees! That's great! *pats self on back* ;0)

PowerJumps:
3rd fit test-20 2nd fit test-13 1st fit test-12

First and foremost I have to tell you what a power jump is so that you can be amazed at how well I did lol A power jump is when you jump in the air bringing your knees up to meet your elbows. Your ENTIRE body is coming up off the ground and its done after doing three other exercises. I was shocked on test 1 when I was able to do 12 so imagine me now...........I'm at 20! 8 more! Go me, go me!



From here on out I'm sucking LMBO!



Globe Jumps:
3rd fit test-4 2nd fit test-4 1st fit test-2

So I stayed the same...it was slightly disappointing. Once again I can just aim to be better the next time. :0)

Suicide jumps
3rd fit test-0 2nd fit test-0 1st fit test-0

Well at least I'm consistent right LMBO! I can not do a suicide jump! Sorry! I cannot do a pushup! My "goal" is to learn to do ONE before my 60 days are up. Hey I'm realistic....I'm just "not" there yet.

Pushup jacks
3rd fit test-0 2nd fit test-0 1st fit test-0

Pushup jacks is the same thing that happened with suicide jumps!

Here's my video for tonight. Thanks for all of the support

1Love
KL

Musical Inspiration

So from my last video you can tell that I listened to my IPOD the entire time tonight while working out. That is a strategy that definitely worked! The reason that I wanted to blog about it is because the entire experience was so crazy. As soon as I began the workout I put my Ipod on shuffle and just waited. Well the first song that came on was Motivation by TI<------*side eye* I mean seriously was somebody somewhere trying to tell me something? lol I listened to it twice because as TI rapped I worked my behind off...I completed more than what I was suppose to do for each interval and the pain that normally makes me take a break did not faze me at all tonight. It was a great way to begin my workout because I truly was motivated!

Motivation
fakin' only gonna inspire (Motivation)
All yo hatin' is fuel to my fire (It's motivation)
plottin' on the crown soft droppin' (It's motivation)
Hey but I ain't slowin' down and I ain't stoppin' (Motivation)
Now you don't stop my show (Motivation)
You ain't know I don't stop, I go (It's motivation)
Sucka can't make me suffer
Just make me stronger and make me tougher (It's motivation)

Right after motivation went off freakin Beyonce came on. Now I know I say ish about Beyonce all of the time but I love Bey and her music will definitely have you crunk. But it was so funny because Diva or Ego or Single Ladies did not come on...........freaking Ring the Alarm came on LMBO! Now Ring The Alarm is the type of song that makes you angry and that's exactly what happened....I was mad and singing along with Bey and found myself working out harder...Dont ask me why the hell I was so mad but I was....I dont even wanna know why I was mad....I'm just happy that by the time Beyonce went off, sweat was literally pouring off of my body and I had finished my entire bottle of water and was desperately in need of a refill lol

Ring the alarm
I been through this too long
But I'll be damned if I see another chick on your arm
Won't you ring the alarm?
I been through this too long
But I'll be damned if I see another chick on your arm

After Beyonce came Mary J Blige...her song??? I am! This was followed by Mary J's The One.......................every song just made me work harder and harder so it was no surprise when I look at the screen and realize that Shaun T is done with his workout and preparing the stretch and I'm at home wanting more and booty poppin to Lady Gaga! LOL I've never had that much energy in my life!

So the IPOD definitely has to become a staple in my workout routine. I'm actually looking forward to working out tomorrow and the pain that I've felt for the past 2 weeks....................not feeling it tonight! Woop Woop!

Time for bed

1Love
KL

Update.............Day 27

Well today made day 27 and I really think I'm suppose to do another fit test tomorrow....I really need to check my calendar but I think tomorrow is the day for another fit test. Anyhoo the last time that I wrote a blog entry I was really in a down mood....I was doubting whether I'd be able to complete my 60 days or not. Well that KL is gone!

I have found my passion again! I reminded myself that I am doing this FOR ME! Therefore I am not trying to live up to anyone's expectations as far as what they think I should be doing, not doing, or feeling guilty because damnit I ate 3 slices of pumpkin fry bread....surely did and what? Who gon check me boo? lol But naw seriously I started on this journey to be a better ME not to impress anyone. I'm glad that I have inspired so many people, I'm glad that I have people rooting for me and I'm glad that I've proven my haters and naysayers wrong BUT at the end of the day its not about losing 60 lbs or getting to a size 5...its about being a better me!

Now that I have that mentality back I'm so ready.....I'm excited all over again! So many people who started this journey with me have quit...not me! I'm doing this. Ive done 27 days, have 33 days left to go and I'm like Obama baby....YES I CAN DO IT!!!! Thanks for all of your support!

1Love

Another Late Night

So its 11:52 pm and I'm still up.....I have like a million things on my mind. Mainly I want to put on my workout clothes and workout. I promised myself at my weigh in on Sunday that I'd work out every single day and I've done that. Granted I cried during my entire workout yesterday (dont judge me lol) but at least I did it. Yes I did it at 9:00 and after my friend literally had to drive to my house and force me to do it but STILL...............I did it.

I dont know what my problem is today. My mind, heart and body are not cooperating with one another. My body is flat out saying NO! Better yet its pulling a Whitney and is yelling hell to the naw LOl! My body is TIRED! I mean if I could lay in a nice king size bed with a fan and a huge blanket and sleep for like 3 or 4 days I surely would. My body is just exhausted. Nothing hurts but I know had I worked out I would be laying in bed right now in pain. Isnt that such a lovely thought?

My heart is fierce! My heart is committed. It wants this badly. My heart wants to prove to the world, my family, my friends, the naysayers, the haters that YES I CAN DO THIS! My heart is committed to losing these 5 lbs that I said I would lose. My heart wants to work out right now! So umm you can pretty much tell that my heart and my body do not like each other right now.

And then there is my mind.....my mind is the sensible one out of all three. She always is ;0) My mind is saying its one workout. If I work out tomorrow and Saturday then that still puts me at 5 days of working out prior to my weigh in on Sunday. 5 days is not bad. Plus resting a day allows me to work harder tomorrow...right? Or at least this is what my mind is telling me. As I type that my heart is saying that's an effin excuse LOL!

So no workout for me. *sigh* No 8 hours of sleep either. Both mean that tomorrow I shall be a cranky KL.......how nice

1Love
KL