RIP

I'm going to share something with the world that few people know about me........in fact the only people who I believe actually know about this are my father and best friend. I have a serious problem with grieving. I dont grieve well at all!

I'm the type of person that you see at a funeral and you wonder "Well damn what's wrong with her? Is she going to cry? She's holding up really well" I remember my grandmother dying and my father encouraging me to let it go, to let it out, to cry! I couldn't. I sat for days, even attended the funeral, truly NOT believing that she was gone and boy once I realized it, my life was forever changed. NO ONE knows that...not my sisters, brothers, cousins, aunts, uncles, NO ONE!

I DO grieve, I just do not grieve well. Years have passed since my grandma has passed away and yet I'm still grieving. I cant bear to look at pictures of her. Looking at them instantly causes my eyes to water. I cant bear to even think of her or mention her name because doing so instantly causes my eyes to water. Even as I type this blog entry, I find myself having to wipe tears from my eyes. I dont want to think about the fact that she, a woman that I love so much, is no longer here...even if I know she's not.

This is not the direction that I set out to take when I sat down to write this entry but every burden needs to be released from a heart, every tear duct needs to be emptied, every soul needs peace so its gonna be what its gonna be.

The reason why I wrote this piece was to announce that I just signed up to walk in an epilepsy walk. I'm very excited but moreso I'm proud! I lost a relative last year and he himself suffered with seizures. I would like to think that by doing this I am remembering him. I grieve for him too and believe it or not his death was very hard on me. Its hard to lose a loved one....whether you're close to them or not. Its even harder to lose someone who is younger than you are. It totally puts your life into perspective.

So I look forward to the epilepsy walk........I hope that it not only strengthens me physically but mentally and spiritually as well.

1Love
KL