Attempting to remain positive

I have an attitude. That attitude has me in a negative mind frame. Ughhh that sucks. Especially when I have so many positive accomplishments to share. So I'm going to do like the title and attempt to remain positive. I'm going to post all of my positives and then at the end rant my booty off and talk about that one little negative. Ok? Here goes

Positives:

* I now have a 37 inch waist. I'm down another inch! Yay! I started out with a 40 inch waist and my goal is to have a 32 inch waist(out of danger). I'm 5 more inches away from my target.

* I lost another inch in my left thigh and two more inches in my right. Its melting baby its melting!

*I'm down another 1.7 lbs. I'm now 8 lbs away from my goal weight. My fitnesspal ticker shows that I have lost 12 lbs. I'm so proud of me!

* I successfully completed the green cardio program. I had to stop to catch my breath a couple of times but I did it!

Negative:

Ok here's the thing that's getting on my nerves. In June I dropped 10 lbs. July was such a slow month. I've only lost 2 lbs in the entire month of July. That sucks! It really makes me mad because I'm suppose to lose 2 lbs per week and July had what? 4 weeks? That does not add up. I know July was difficult because I went away twice on vacation and then I had a funky attitude for a week but still. I'm trying to remain positive and say that maybe I'm gaining muscle. We all know muscle weighs more than fat. I mean I am losing inches right? Wrong! I WANNA SEE IT ON THE SCALE TOO DAMNIT! :/  I went to see my doctor last week. I'm suppose to have my first weigh in on Thursday. I was suppose to be 5 lbs lighter. *laughs* We shall see when Thursday gets here but Im not optimistic about that one. So now we're in August. I'm 8 lbs away from my target weight. I can do this! I'm optimistic about that one.  I WILL DO THIS!

Oh Lord.........NOT the SUGAR (after)

So this morning I woke up and went to the doctor. Boy I was ready. First and foremost, I knew nothing about this doctor. Because I was so afraid of doctors, I didnt have one. Well in order to complete the wellness requirements I HAD to have a doctor. So I picked one off of my insurance site. The first one was totally booked until August. The second one could see me today so I went with the second one. I knew nothing about her .... just her name.

I walked in the doctor's office all cheery and happy.... I was ready. I paused for a good 3 seconds when I got in there. Not only was she a primary care doctor, she was also some big time weight loss guru. O_O. Was this fate?  I sat in the waiting room like "OMG". I start panicking a little bit because I know I'm PMS'ing and I know my numbers are going to be a little off....... I also know shes going to comment about me being obese. *bites nails*

I go back in the office and everything is cool. Everyone is nice, I'm talking, I'm calm .... and then the doctor comes in. She is very nice I will give her that .... but she is also very blunt. Before anything she took one glance and said YOU HAVE TO LOSE WEIGHT. Anyone who knows me knows what happened next .... I instantly went into "defense" mode. I KNOW I need to lose weight .... what do you think I've been doing for the past month? huh? huh? Losing weight! You think I'm bad now you should've seen me a month ago...I've lost 10 lbs lady! *pats self on the back*

I'm going to pause here to say that I dont care how bad you are, someone is always BADDER(is that a word? if not you know what I mean). I met my match today because the doctor was not trying to here ANY of that. She didnt care that I had lost 10 lbs. I was still obese(according to my BMI) and thats ALL she cared about. Needless to say I sat down and was quiet ....... and well, I just allowed the doctor to do her thing.

My first test was my weight. I was worried about my weight because like I said ... PMS messes with my numbers. I weighed in at 185 which was good for ME. I've had a funky period and have not exercised since my trip to Orlando. The fact that I've maintained my weight was a plus for me.... notice I keep saying for me .... the 185 was not good for the doctor lol Also I want to note if I'm 185 while pms'ing, I'm probably more like 180 without it. I'm just saying. ... I'm just saying.

My second test was my blood pressure.  The nurse initially took my blood pressure on my left arm. Then she let out a big WHOA and said this cant be right....child stop worrying and sit still. I didnt know I was moving but oh well. I took a deep breath and she did it on my right arm. My blood pressure ended up being 118/80 which she said was pretty good.

The next test was my sugar. Once again the first time she pricked me, she pricked me on my right hand. she let a big WHOA and said child what did you have for breakfast. Ummm a protein shake. Does it have sugar in it? Yes. She keeps mumbling "this cant be right" and shows me the machine. It says 200. Seriously I'm sitting there with the dumb face. What does that mean? Her reply: You have diabetes.

I'm so serious when I tell you this. After she said that I literally yelled "Oh noooooooooo NOT THE SUGAR!!!!" I really wish I was being videotaped because now as I sit and write this post I see just how funny that ish was. Tears came to my eyes and I just kept repeating "nooooo not the sugar, not the sugar" So the nurse(who was also African American) said let me go and get the other machine...give me your finger. So I went through the entire process all over again .... this time with a new machine and with a different hand. The end results .... 116. High ..... but not like 200. Pre-diabetic ..... NOT diabetic! **insert praise dance** (see the video below)

The last part of the exam was the diet phase. I had several options. I could do a type of liposuction. Hmm sounds good but my bank account says no. I could do injections. Hmmm sounds good but my bank account says no. Or I could do diet, exercise(arent I already doing that????) and pills. Hmmm sounds good and my bank account says yes.

So I'm on 3 pills. I've researched all 3 for the side effects .... I'm no dummy. The first is gastrofill which shrinks your stomach and prevents you from eating a lot .... taken before lunch and dinner. The second is a thyroid pill which basically boosts your metabolism. And the third is diucap. The pills I can do .... the suggested diet is what is going to be difficult. Absolutely NO breads, cereals, potatoes, pasta, blah blah blah .... no bananas, no mangoes, no sugar at all. Just protein protein protein. Blah blah blah.

I went to my car and was really thinking "I'm not going to do this. I'm not giving up ALL carbs" but my mind kept going back to 200 and how I felt when I thought I had diabetes. I never want to feel that way again. If it takes not eating bread or rice or pasta to get to that point then that is just what I'll have to do. My appointment for my cholesterol is tomorrow. I'm ready for it. I have a weigh in next week already.....can you believe it? Dr Merey EXPECTS(her words not mine) to be at 180 by next Thursday. According ot her if I follow the plan I will be there. I'm not even going to point out the fact that if I do my hip hop abs and myfitnesspal and my plan that I can be at 180 by next week too WITH rice included. She is a pistol and its not worth going back and forth. Either way the goal for next week is 180. Lets get get get it!

Videoclip of my favorite obese comedian Lavell Crawford. I cannot think about "the sugar" without thinking about him. WARNING: There is cursing!

Oh lord .... NOT the SUGAR! (before)

Well the moment that I've been preparing for all summer arrived today. I had to go to the doctor for a physical and bloodwork. YIKES!

First and foremost I hate going to the doctor. I know people who will go to the doctor at the slightest cough. Not me...I have to be damn near dead before I will go to the doctor's office. Why? I'm afraid. The doctor never gives you positive news....something is always wrong and I'm afraid to know what. Am I going to die? If so, I'd rather not know.

While I go faithfully to have my woman parts examined, I have never had bloodwork done. Diabetes and Cholesterol scare me. Diabetes is prominent within my culture(I'm African American). I've seen the effects that it has on people. I've seen people literally looking like a walking ghost, asked what was wrong thinking it was something major like cancer, and been told "I have the sugar" The dreadful sugar. I've come to fear the term. So a couple of months ago I started working out and eating right .... to avoid "the sugar". The doctor took one look at me, one look at my big belly and said check her sugar :/ Im no dummy Ive known for a time that having a big belly(a waist larger than 32 inches) is a dead ringer for diabetes BUT that never stopped me from eating...it never stopped me from drinking coke after coke after coke.....because for a long time I had the disease that so many Americans have today.... the "I'm Invincible Disease"

Dont pretend as if you dont know about the I'm Invincible Disease. This disease tells you that what happens to everyone else will NOT happen to you. Its very real lol I know people who partake in dangerous behaviors but refuse HIV tests because they are "invincible" and it just "wont happen to them". Now are you familiar with it. I never thought the sugar would happen to me although I was walking around sporting a cool 40 inch waist :/

The other test that I had to take dealt with cholesterol. My heart. I've written posts before about my heart. I have not been my heart's best friend. I've done major damage. How much? I dont know. I refused to go to the doctor to find out. Just scared out of my mind. I remember sitting in my biology class at Famu. My instructor had previously had open heart surgery. I remember her saying "pound that chest....pound it...you feel that? You feel that bone? Well when you have heart surgery they must get through that bone and it hurts!"  YIKES! I don't know if she knows but she scared the hell out of me on that day ....... its just too bad that she didn't scare me enough for me to make the necessary life changes. Just like with the diabetes I was invincible.

So my school district put a wellness program into play. Glucose, Cholesterol, Weight and Blood Pressure ALL had to be checked ........ it started in January and I had until August 1st to complete the requirements. For the first time I would know my numbers. I would know my status. I would know just how good or *cough* how bad my health actually was ....... and I was AFRAID!

Theres always good in the bad. I look at my progress over the past few months and I am proud of me. I'm thankful for the school district implementing this program because had they not, I never would've taken the initiative to lose the weight. I am motivated by numbers. That 40 inch waist is gone. I am ready for my appointment

Bump pain ..... lets talk about the GAIN

Monday was my official weigh in day. I set a biweekly goal on my Wii Fit and met it. I set the same goal, to lose 2 lbs, and went about my day. Well today I weighed in and the Wii Fit and myself were both shocked. I had lost the 2 lbs already. I met my goal in 2 days. I am now officially 10 lbs down and 4 lbs away from saying bye bye to my 80s. I am so excited. I have worked really hard and my hard work is paying off.

I would like to thank all of the people who continue to encourage me on facebook, twitter, myfitnesspal and via text. You all have no idea how much I appreciate your kind words and encouragement.

Bye 90's ...................... HELLO 80's

I really do not know where to begin with this post. I'm really emotional so I'm sure I'm going to be all over the place but here goes.

I have been 190-ish for as long as I can remember. At my largest I was 199 .... a mere 1 lb away from being 200. Last year when I did Insanity I lost inches but pound wise I was stuck at 192...thats as far as I made it. My goal was always to get out of the 90s and quite frankly I never thought I'd make it.

So with this new journey I have been setting mini-goals via the Wii Fit. Nothing major...2 pounds here, 2 pounds there. I achieved the first goal and really didnt think anything of it since the goal was 190 ..... STILL in the freakin 90s :( So then it came to the second goal.... I did two pounds again which would take me to 188 and OUT of the 90s. Today I got on the Wii fit to have a little fun and work on my balance. During the weigh in I noticed that my weight was 189.6. I never would have expected to have the reaction that I did ...... I literally broke down into tears. Even as I type this I feel the tears coming again LOL. I DID IT!!!!!!!! I did what deep down I really did not think I could do. I'm out out of the 90s LOL. My goal has to be met by Wednesday and I have 1.6 pounds to go. I am so motivated. So out with the old and in with the new. Bye bye 90s.....you sucked anyway :) HELLO 80s and 70's I have my EYE on YOU!

Bye Bye Fast Food

Isnt that picture disgusting? Doesnt it make you just wanna puke? Well thats how I felt when I discovered what was actually in fast food. I was minding my business on facebook one day when I came across a site called FoodFacts-Whats actually in your food. While this is the day that saved me I often joke that I wish I would have just put my phone down. My curiosity got the best of me that day and I clicked like. My life has not been the same since. When I discovered what was actually IN alot of the fast food that ate I was sick to my stomach. I havent touched the stuff since.

I'm no different then most of you. I work 8 hours a day in a very stressful field and I have a 9 year old son who happens to be autistic. Sometimes the LAST thing that I want to do after working all day is come home and cook. Wendys, Chick Fila, Pollo Tropical and Burger King were staples in our household. Dunkin Donuts and McDonalds for breakfast were an every day occurence. Pizza on Mondays, wings on Wednesdays.....sometimes I went a full two weeks without ever touching my stove :/ I dont type those things with pride....I type them to show you just how reckless I was living. I cant take back the last year....I cant take back the damage that endless trips to various fast food restaurants have done to my body but I could change.

They say the worst thing that anyone could ever do is to quit a habit cold turkey. Its true lol I gave up fast food cold turkey. No more Burger King, no more Pizza Hut......no more Dunkin Donuts. Shoot! And I was just starting to get addicted to coffee again :) At first it was easy....I simply thought about everything that I had read on foodfacts.com and that knowledge alone was enough to turn me away. However it got to be a lil difficult when I started taking road trips and/or being away from home for long periods of times. Difficult but still doable. I am happy to announce that I have been without fast food for a month. I dont miss it. Yesterday a guy next to me was eating a Popeyes meal .... it smelled delicious and my mouth watered but when I thought about what exactly was IN that meal, my saliva quickly dried up lol

So I happily say, bye bye fast food! It was good while it lasted but like so many other unhealthy relationships in my life, ours has come to an end :)